Various things I have daydreamed about

10:04

1. A record executive somehow driving around the rougher parts of Margate in early 1998 with the windows happen and hearing my dulcet tones wafting through the window and signing me up to his record label instantly. I would then hold the record for youngest ever person to have a UK number one. (I was aware of exactly how long left I had to achieve this record from the age of six and the day I surpassed was probably the day of my very first age-orientated existential crisis)

2. Singing a tearful acoustic cover of Hotel California in Radio 1 Live Lounge whilst promoting my third album and it eventually becoming the most talked-about and drawn on Live Lounge of all time

3. Being 19 and being Lee Ryan's girlfriend. When I was 12 all I ever wanted was to be 19. (Little did I know)

4. Many different versions of becoming Taylor Swift's admin officer and ultimately best mate (potentially by exploiting the fact I conveniently have the same name as her actual best friend. 'Oh, but Taylor, the Grammy's invite DID say Abigail!' And then she'd be too charmed and amused to care.)

5. Performing Bad Romance as a duet with Lady GaGa on the X Factor final with an intricately planned staging concept. I will take my X Factor staging to the grave as I cannot bear the thought of someone nicking it

6. Managing to make it through an entire night out in heels without taking them off. This has literally never happened once AND in my life I've been to an impressive TWO black tie events. (I think about this when listening to RuPaul)

7. Being in some kind of sultry red dancing lady emoji dress in a salsa bar (I have literally never been in a salsa bar once) and Smooth by Santana coming on. I would then instantly know exactly how to dance obviously

8. Managing to feel authentic standing at the shore and looking out wistfully (Despite spending the first 18 years of my life living 5 minutes from the beach I've never achieved this) (And god knows, I've tried, particularly during my hardcore OC fandom phase). One day I'll do this and not feel like a prat and I imagine Lana Del Rey will be on

9. Being able to stay out til the sunlight without it being a horrible experience with the last three hours consisting solely of moaning about being tired and trying to convince everyone else to go home 

10. I've often listened to music and dreamt of finding the courage. The courage to stand up for myself, the courage to leave, the courage to stay, the courage to stop trying to protect my feelings and just feel it, the courage to carry on, the courage to smile, the courage to understand it was time to be sad and that was okay. My favourite thing about music is that while my daydreams of Live Lounges and X Factor finals and whole nights in heels may yet to materialise, it inspires me that if I try hard enough I can usually get that courage from somewhere.

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