Some things I did as a teenager to get boys to fancy me

10:21

1.Got up early before school to patiently curl my hair with baby pink Babyliss curling tongs I'd got for £19.99 on offer from Argos. Arrived at first period ICT lesson to be told that my hair 'looked pretty' by the object of my affections. Internally I thought 'well I should bloody hope so, I've been up since 5am' . Externally I said 'oh, actually I straighten my hair every day normally, this is my natural hair because I got up late'. For some reason I assumed it would make me more desirable if I presented myself as some kind of misunderstood angel who every morning straightened her hair because she not appreciate her own beauty. (Ultimately, after going out with him four days, the charade was too much of an effort to maintain)

2. Said, 'oh yeah, I love Disturbed!' Googled on music forums what other people's opinions on the Disturbed discography were in case it ever came up as I could not bear to listen to it

3. Got off at a bus stop after the one I actually needed to for what now seems like several years

4.Carried my Robbie Williams Greatest Hits CD about in the jewel case of Bleach by Nirvana

5. Made someone sit and listen to Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley with me after I broke up with them because it was the first time I had ever broken up with someone properly and I didn't feel it had gone as melodramatically as I'd hoped

6. Said mysteriously 'I'm not like the other girls'. Was painfully aware that, at least in the respect I was thirsty to go out with the lead guitarist of a local band, I was exactly like all the other girls.

7. For some kind of Food Tech homework my friend and I had to survey members of the general public on their favourite types of pie. I BEGGED my friend to help me use this as an opportunity to finally speak to the love of my Year 10 life, Lozenge Boy, who was a sixth former from another school on the bus who had once asked for one of my lozenges. Unfortunately to make this look normal we had to also basically survey everyone else on the entire bus and refrain from even making notes as old ladies discussed steak and kidney. By the time we got to Lozenge Boy he was gone

8. As my mum wouldn't let me wear foundation until I was 15, buy multiple copies of Glamour, stock up on foundation samples and carefully ration each one to last about two weeks

9. Ate an entire Big Tasty meal he'd bought me shortly after I had just had a Big Mac because I didn't want to be rude

10. Posted endless quizzes about myself as MySpace bulletins ensuring all questions about 'who do you like right now' had enigmatic and charming answers (I doubt anyone ever read them)

11. Sat through five hours of 'F1', potentially the longest five hours of my life

12. Spent huge chunks of the £25 I earned every week on high heels in the sale at New Look. Attempt to be like Carrie Bradshaw and stomp all day around sixth form in them because I'd read in Cosmo that boys were supposed to like girls with long legs. Ended up walking down the high street to McDonalds barefoot swinging them from my hands by 1pm

13. Studied back copies of Bliss magazine for hours at a time for 'flirting tips'. The best one of these was the 'toffee eye' approach which to this day does help a whole lot in getting people to realise you fancy them, but not so much in getting people to think you're normal

14. Wrote a two page Word document containing a plan to use all my best magazine-gleaned tips (toffee eyes, touch arm, laugh at everything he said) on the first boy I ever obsessed about for months on end. It worked. Became lifelong schemer as result

15. Took Spanish as a GCSE as once saw on TV someone said speaking Spanish was sexy

16. Learnt the entire rap to Lose Yourself and performed it at the bus stop

17. Became obsessed with Dior perfume I could not afford and would ensure when meeting up with my friends at the shopping centre on a Saturday would get there ten minutes early so I could go to Debenhams and put some on (I still do this, pretty much.)

The moral of the story is that teenagers are ridiculous but that nobody should ever do anything to try and get someone else to fancy them in this day and age. After all, we're all very amazing. (I would recommend you probably post a few thirsty Instagram selfies though, just in case).

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1 comments

  1. I LOVE THIS POST SO MUCH! It makes me smile and cringe at the same time. It reminds me all the stupid things I did as a teenager to impress girls.

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