Buzzcut Season

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Buzzcut Season is one of my favourite songs ever. It's quiet and dreamy. Most of my favourite songs ever are not quiet and dreamy. In fact, although many if not all of my favourite songs are strongly emotional, they are pretty much all Loud. All very well produced. You could dance to any of them at 1am or a wedding or just on the bus.

Buzzcut Season is different.

I can't remember the first time I heard it. Mostly I remember the first time I heard all my favourite songs. I first heard Teenage Dream by Katy Perry on a flight to Zante. I first heard We Found Love by Calvin Harris ft Rihanna when I clicked on a link within a Guardian article. I first heard I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift in the car with my ex. (He said it was "alright, I guess.") I first heard Bad Romance by Lady GaGa in an episode of Gossip Girl. I could go on.

I started listening to Lorde mainly because my old colleague and I had something called Album of the Week where we would choose the album that was coming out that week that was generating the most press 'buzz' and listen to it a few times a day. I knew Royals, of course I knew Royals, but I wasn't that into it. 7/10, maybe. Album of the Week started. I did my work. Only ten songs, that album. A short Album of the Week. By Tuesday lunchtime I knew most of the words to the album by osmosis, but hadn't really listened. Fine, I thought. I'll listen to it on my way home from work.

The whole album is perfect but Buzzcut Season is special.

Buzzcut Season was written when Lorde was sixteen years old but somehow it reminds me of my whole life up until this point and kind of my future, too.

It reminds me of being a teenager and feeling like I didn't really know what was going on and going around our 'loop' bus system in endless circles with my friends listening to the McFly album which kind of in a way represents everything about my youth. We ride the bus with our knees pulled in, people should see how we're living.

It reminds me of the first time I really liked someone. Really, really liked someone. Shut my eyes to the song that plays, sometimes this has a hot sweet taste.

It reminds me of moving to London two weeks after I turned 18 and never coming back. It reminds me of making loads of friends really quickly and going out every night and chatting all day. It reminds me of finding the most perfect person I had ever met up until that point. It reminds me of the one time, the single one time, that person looked at me in the eye and said to me that I was amazing. And I'll never go home again. Place the call, feel it start. Favourite friend.

It reminds me that my heart was thrown with great venom into the direction of an oncoming bus and was utterly crushed to smithereens to the extent that I developed a lifelong obsession with Taylor Swift as a direct result of it. And that I don't see any of those people anymore. Was a weird couple of months. And nothing's wrong but nothing's true. I live in a hologram with you.

It kind of reminds me of meeting someone a couple of years later and moving in with them after we'd only known each other four months. It reminds me of how we kept going for years because we wanted to prove that we were right and that we had done the right thing. It reminds me of sometimes, for two minutes, he would say something that would make me laugh, or I would say something that would make him laugh, or we would quickly catch each others eye and we would both look alright, and in that moment I would be like THAT'S IT, just catch it, that's it, if you catch that it will be okay. But the problem is, as I guess I had to find out sooner or later, that you can't stretch a two minute moment like that into happiness for months. Your life has to be that two minute moment. And I breathe then it goes. Play along. Make believe it's hyperreal. But I live in a hologram with you.

It reminds me of when I split up with my boyfriend and because it had been so long had kind of forgotten what it was like to live in this city alone. It reminds me of when I realised I wasn't alone. I had my friends. And you only need a few if they 're good enough. I'm the one you tell all your fears to. There'll never be enough of us. 

It reminds me of how utterly terrifying it can be to be an adult sometimes, to not know WHAT you are supposed to be DOING and to feel like you are just PRETENDING and to sometimes wish that you again were riding around the bus in circles listening to McFly or even that you were back trying to learn how to use the London bus system in the midst of falling in love with someone who never even really liked you that much or even that you were back living in a flat cooking dinner from scratch every night telling yourself and your Facebook that you were happy. To me, that's kind of what this song is about. Because what this song makes me realise is that all those times,sometimes, in their own ways were beautiful. But they are best left in the past.

What is this song actually about? Who knows, because a sixteen year old wrote it. But to me, that is what this song is about. 

All of Pure Heroine is kind of a bit like that. It's a bit about being young and bored of everything and it's a bit about falling in love for the first time and it's a bit about being unfazed by mainstream culture. It is one of my favourite albums ever as in ten tracks it is about nothing and everything. 

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