10 Years Ago Vs Today


TOP 5 10 YEARS AGO - 4th September 2004


The best moment of Goldie Lookin' Chain's whole career was when 'Maggot' from the band was on Celebrity Big Brother and rated himself less famous than Chantelle Houghton, who was actually a fake celebrity and her band 'Kandy Floss' was not a band at all. If I recall correctly Chantelle claimed to have a #40 hit, so Maggot was selling himself short really given that he had two weeks in the top 5.
The song was first in the top 5 last week.

SCORE: 2/10.


I'd really hoped Maroon 5's brilliant 'Maps' would be in the current top 5 today so we could have an act straddling both top 5s, but unfortunately no such luck. 10 years ago Adam Levine was still fresh-faced and Maroon 5's videos were (slightly) less about HEY LOOK WE HAVE A LEAD SINGER CALLED ADAM WHO'S REALLY FIT. This song is beautiful. I have loved it since the first day I ever heard it and I don't come back to it enough.Yes yes, when I was 14 lyrics from the verses often found themselves in my MSN personal message, but that doesn't make the song lame, seriously. I think this is a masterclass in How To Do The Perfect Ballad. So, I know I make a point of not throwing around the 10s very often on here, but I think Adam, Kelly Preston and this made-for-a-movie-montage chorus deserve it. Gold stars all round.

SCORE: 10/10

3. THE 411 - DUMB (New Entry)

R&B girlband the 411 released three top 40 singles before disbanding, and Dumb was the highest charting. There's no denying this is catchy with a great chorus and I do love a song about deciding whether or not to cheat on someone (The Call by the Backstreet Boys is my most played song OF THE YEAR 2014). The video is pretty basic, and the outfits are TERRIBLE. I remember wanting to wear halternecks a lot in 2004. It's a good thing they've died out a bit, as it's not easy to get a good bra for them is it? The multiway bras from Primark do not come recommended by Gone to Deadlock.

SCORE: 8/10.

2. 3 OF A KIND - BABYCAKES  (Non-mover)

I have a GUEST song write-up today (more about those later in the week) from the WONDERFUL and HILARIOUS Holly. I have known Holly since school where we formed a band called Beans on Heroin and wrote an electropop classic called Automatic Jesus. Unfortunately we never got round to recording it, otherwise it would have definitely have been remixed by Robin Schulz by now and gone viral. Find Holly's twitter here and her blog here. 

I have to add a disclaimer is this little review that ten years ago I was an utter, utter knob. "I don't like POP", I'd cry, stroking my Beck poster. Yet I secretly yearned for Destiny's Child and wept helplessly whenever Britney Spears's Everytime found it's way into my lugholes. I disliked Babycakes almost on principle, because other people enjoyed it and frankly, I was above that.

Containing the early 2000s staple of Malfunctioning Sexy Robot, the video isn't as romantic as you'd think a song called Babycakes would be, what with the tits shots and blatant waste of cake. But we should focus on the music here. Well the thing I mainly noticed is, despite being fairly snappy, this song feels longer than an afternoon getting closely acquainted with the rack. The chorus lacks any kind of oomph and the line "we'll take it step by step because I'm not something you own" doesn't strike me as the brave declaration of personal boundaries that it should be. In fact, it sounds like they spent 2 hours trying to think of literally anything that vaguely rhymes with "grow". I know Abi gave this song 3/10 because she has matured better than I have but I can't bring myself to give it anymore than a 2. I just can't do it. 10 years have passed, a million things have changed, and I still hate this song.

On that note, here's a picture that proves babycakes in general are just a hideous idea.

SCORE: 3/10 (Apols Holly but it's my blog and my score that counts).


Well, I've introduced an element of multimedia into this week's blog. Please note me reciting Byron poetry over a hip hop beat below and decide whether or not you think it is better or not than These Words by Natasha Bedingfield. (As you know I am a fabulously beautiful and glamorous woman but unfortunately I was very busy at the time this video was filmed so had to ask my assistant to step in.)

Read my original (sadly, written) review here from 1 week ago.
SCORE: 9/10 

TOP 5 TODAY - 7th September 2014

5. SAM SMITH - I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE (Up from Number 9)

I'm never going to be a Sam Smith fan. I'm not here for his soul music. I can see why some people do like popstars that are 'a voice', but I don't. I've never heard a Sam Smith song that interested me, although I can't say I've spent much effort delving into his back catalogue yet. However, I must admit, I didn't hate this, and it is definitely my favourite Sam Smith song to date. It's a revenge song, and even though it's a ballad, I do love any kind of revenge song. The lyric in this that hits me is "You think that I don't know what you've done." Simple, but effective. There's also the fact that the video to this is absolutely no questions asked 10/10. The beautiful Dianna Agron goes on a HUGE RAMPAGE when her husband cheats on her and then the end of the day welcomes him home as if nothing had happened. That alone should be enough to get you to watch it.

SCORE: 7/10.


This is a song I really want to like more than I do. Unfortunately, it suffers from Dark Horse "not finished" syndrome. I really like the chorus. I like the handclaps. I get THAT FEELING when Rita kicks off with the "I'm gonna love ya, I'm gonna love ya, I'm GONNA LOVE YA..." But then. "Like a black widow baby." She's lost it. That's when it should have kicked off. That 8/10 chorus should have been a 10/10 pre-chorus. But no, that's when it stopped. I'm not a huge fan of the verses. The video is okay, but Iggy and Rita don't execute the Kill Bill thing half as well as Iggy and Charli did Fancy. But what can I say? I'm being harsh on this song as I expected better from both Iggy and Rita, who really should be very exciting new artists right now. It's not THAT bad.

SCORE: 7/10.


I know it's quite fashionable to hate The Script but I don't think they're that bad. I mean, I always thought "What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you" from Breakeven was brilliant. Unfortunately. What can I say about this song? This song is nothing. This song is every other The Script song. This song is the lukewarm cup of tea with the wrong amount of sugars that you still have to drink because your new colleague made it for you. This song is minor delays on the District line. This song is switching on Coronation Street to find it's been rescheduled because of the football. This song is slightly overcooking your pasta. This song is when you look in the mirror to find  you've had Marmite on your face for the past two hours. This song is a rainy Monday afternoon. This song is every mundane, yet not dramatic, annoying moment that you will have for this whole week. And the British public have made it number three.

SCORE: 3/10.

2. DUKE DUMONT - WON'T LOOK BACK (Up from number 169)

I'm probably speaking out of turn, but I just don't find Duke Dumont very special. I know they've had a few hits over the past couple of years and as you know I follow the charts like normal people follow sports. I've even seen them live. But can I name any of their songs? No. This song is, much like our UK Number One this week, a song that I would go home during on a night out if I was tired. I do like the vocals on this quite a lot though, and the video, if not really my taste, was interesting. I don't hate it.

SCORE: 6/10.


How is this number one for the SECOND WEEK? I just listened to it and I couldn't tell you how it went. Music these days etc. *Shakes fist at clouds*

My original review was 1 week ago (and not particularly more developed than this one).

SCORE: 6/10.


Top 5 10 YEARS AGO: 31/50
Top 5 Today: 29/50

Today is a victory for THE PAST!!! I want to say a huge thank you to the lovely Holly for saving me from my misery this week when I could not think of one single thing to say about Babycakes. I hope you enjoyed me adding the 'video medium' and would support me if I were to release my reciting of Lord Byron poetry over a Gangsta's Paradise karaoke track as a debut single. TIL NEXT WEEK, CHART FANS!!!!!


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  1. Duke Dumont isn't a 'they' it's a 'he'. I wouldn't have bothered mentioning it but you riled me up by having the cheek to give the abhorrent ' Black Widow' a 7/10. Especially when you gave that Script one a 3/10. Ludicrous. Also props to Holly for putting me off my food for a week with that delightful cake hahaha.