10 Years Ago vs Today

22:19

TOP 5 10 YEARS AGO - 18/09/2004

5. 3 OF A KIND - BABY CAKES (non-mover)


This is the fifth week I have had to try and draw some kind of content from this completely insipid husk of a song. What am I supposed to cover? The inane lyrics? The empty shell of a melody? The completely ridiculous video? That 3 of a Kind recorded this song on the day they met - a fact that once seemed fairly interesting, but now seems absorbed into my consciousness along the lines of "the sky is blue"?

This blog is late this week as I kept opening up my draft and then realising I had to listen to this song first.


SCORE: 3/10.

4. JOJO - LEAVE (GET OUT) (Down from number 2)

 


If there's one thing I've learnt about life since I started writing this blog it's that if you're ever feeling down there's always some bizarre content to be found in the YouTube comments of break up songs. Here is a comment someone left on this song (name cropped as I'm nice like that).


My advice to our 16 year old JoJo fan is threefold.
1) Get a new friendship group that is less incestuous.
2) Never date anyone who has feelings for their ex girlfriend.=
3) Be upfront with him. If he can't get over it then that's his problem and you're sure to find someone more deserving of your flawless taste in music.


SCORE: A resounding 10/10.

3. MCFLY - THAT GIRL (New Entry)


I can't tell you how much the band McFly mean to me.

I have spent ten years loving McFly. When this song came out it was at a gloriously happy, naive time when my best friend and I would listen to this album on our personal CD players over, and over again. It was an album we knew so well we memorised the track numbers and knew our favourite shuffle combination. It was an album I had for breakfast, lunch and dinner, an album I'd listen to whilst thinking about the boy I fancied on the bus who didn't know my name, an album I'd listen to whilst thinking about how one day I would be 17 and cool and have a boyfriend who was in a band (NOT AS GOOD AS IT SOUNDS.) Little did I know how many times I would see McFly in the coming years, a frankly embarrassing number of times, and how at each and every one I would burst into tears at All About You wondering if anyone would ever love me like that. Little did I know that ten years later I would get to go to a MCBUSTED concert, and All About You would come on, and I'd still cry, and no one still had loved me like that, but it was okay because the music is so joyous and amazing and it doesn't take itself seriously and it envelopes me up like a big nostalgia hug.

This was my favourite song on that first album. I listened to it over and over again imagining Lozenge Boy, the boy I fancied on the bus, would one day sing this about me. Unfortunately, ten years down the line I still don't know Lozenge Boy's name.

SCORE: 9/10 (the lyrics are a bit messy at times and I am *trying* to be objective).


2. NELLY - MY PLACE/FLAP YOUR WINGS (Down from number 1)




The song My Place by Nelly contains possibly the most romantic lyric of all time: "because you make my life so convenient for me." That's all I've ever wanted to be for a man. Convenient.


Average Score: 6.5/10

1. BRIAN MCFADDEN - REAL TO ME (New Entry)



I originally started this whole website as for weeks - and I mean it, weeks - I had been thinking during all my spare time about why this song had ever got to number one when it is clearly one of the worst songs of all time. I'd spend commutes dwelling on "when I see my babies run". I'd spend supermarket shopping trips thinking about "we'll invite the family round and drink some English tea." I'd lie awake at night, awake, thinking about "AND I'LL RAISE UP MY FINGER AND WATCH FOOTBALL ON TV." I needed somewhere to write everything about this song down and thus Gone to Deadlock's very first post was born. 

Still, we've all grown up a lot in the last two months. We've all listened to quite a few other top 5 hits from ten years ago and today that have been a struggle. We've survived Dry Your Eyes by the Streets. We've finally conquered George Ezra. We're clambering to the end of Baby Cakes. And the question we must ask ourselves is this: is this song that bad?

And the answer is: Yes. It's not just the video in which Brian celebrates he is no longer good looking and in a boyband but now hangs around a park looking like he's come as a tramp's hangover for Halloween. It's not just the terrible, terrible lyrics to this song, the SKIN-CRAWLING lyrics, the lyrics that I guarantee you will be RUNNING THROUGH YOUR DREAMS, late tonight. It's everything this song represents. It's the song celebrating date rape Brian would release seven years later that makes Blurred Lines look like Love Me Tender. It's the constant struggle of boyband members to Prove Themselves, and why? It's the Come Dine With Me ripoff currently fronted by Brian and showing on ITV. It's everything. It's just everything.

I'm sorry Brian, although I'm not that sorry, as agreeing to sing "I can't wait to get you home so I can do some damage/I like you just the way you are drunk in the backseat of my car/I can't wait to get you home so I can take advantage" absolutely beggars belief.

SCORE: 1/10


TOP 5 TODAY: 21/09/2014

5. TAYLOR SWIFT - SHAKE IT OFF

 

As we continue our diaries of When I Have Heard This Song Whilst Out And About, it was played before a The Saturdays concert I went to the other day. And I am happy to confirm this song sounds good in even the most empty of contexts. (I've also been playing it a lot when at Tesco).

Original review four weeks ago.

Score: 8/10.

4. PROFESSOR GREEN FT. TORI KELLY - LULLABY (New Entry)


 

Although at first glance this is Read All About It part 342, the lyrics and video to this are really moving and sad. I am actually a complete sucker for any song vaguely about death and this is no exception. The chorus is lovely and I think Tori Kelly's voice is beautiful - she is a One To Watch in my book. As a direct contrast to this I really hate Professor Green's rapping voice and find it stressful and abrasive to listen to. I'm sorry Prof. I do quite like the song though, so I'll still give it a 6.

SCORE: 6/10.

3. LILLY WOOD & ROBIN SCHULZ - PRAYER IN C (down from number 2)


 


I'm becoming so bored of reviewing this song every week - which for some reason always strongly makes me think of Albufeira even though I was last there in 2004 -  it may be the first song ever to make me actively NOT want to go on holiday.


SCORE: 6/10

2. CALVIN HARRIS FT. JOHN NEWMAN - BLAME (Down from number 1)

Imagine sitting down in a meeting regarding Calvin Harris' new video concept. Imagine coming up with some amazing, creative, inspired ideas that you can't wait to share. Imagine the sinking feeling when Calvin says "let's just get in some birds in lingerie again."

First reviewed last week.

SCORE: 7/10.

1. SIGMA FT PALOMA FAITH - CHANGING (Up from 115)

Now if there are two things I love:

1. AN ABSOLUTELY HUGE BANGER OF A SONG THAT JUST MAKES YOU WANT TO DIAL EVERYTHING UP TO 12 AND JUMP AROUND A LOT
2. Songs about existential crises

So as you can imagine, I'm all over this. This is obviously by far the best thing Paloma has ever been involved with and I'm wondering if it stands a good chance of making my 2014 Top 5 Singles End Of Year Top 5 (oh yeah, that's definitely on its way).

Point deducted from 10 as those oh-oh-oh-ohs only have a finite number of replay values.

SCORE 9/10



DRUM ROLL....THE RESULTS ARE:

2004 Top 5: 29.5/50
2014 Top 5: 36/50

And that's all that 2004 deserves given that it allowed Real To Me by Brian McFadden to get to number 1.

Until next week, chart fans!!

xxxx

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