10 Years Ago Vs Today

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Top 5 10 Years Ago - 11/09/2014

5. 3 OF A KIND - BABY CAKES (Down from number 2)



As we reach Baby Cakes' fourth week on the chart, the question we must ask ourselves is this: What is this song actually about? WHO IS Baby Cakes? I had a little look at the lyrics, which essentially read as nonsensical ramblings  from a fantasising thirteen year old boy, and am none the wiser. I would just like to draw particular attention to "Can't get enough when you loosen my neck, goes down to my belly, caress my breast, worship my body like you were a goddess." Christ.

SCORE: 3/10.

Original review 3 weeks ago.


4. NATASHA BEDINGFIELD - THESE WORDS (Down from number 1)





If you are one of the four people that read '10 Years Ago Vs Today' on a regular basis, you will be aware that last week I recited some Byron poetry over Gangsta's Paradise to test out Natasha's theory that reading some Byron, Shelley and Keats and reciting it over a hip hop beat is not indeed as good as the song These Words by Natasha Bedingfield. Well this week I have resumed this 'multimedia content' by reciting some Keats poetry over 99 Problems. I genuinely don't know why I am not famous with ideas like this. I am underappreciated in my own time. Much like last week I was sadly unavailable so asked my less attractive and funny assistant to step in and film the video. You may notice the ends of her hair are blue; spraying them before going to see Adore Delano seemed like a great idea at the time, but not so much when she woke up the next morning covered in so much blue residue that parts of her body looked deceased. 




SCORE: 9/10.

3. TWISTA FEAT ANTHONY HAMILTON - SUNSHINE (New Entry)




What a forgotten gem! The song kind of cheats by HEAVILY, and I mean HEAVILY sampling the Lovely Day by Bill Withers (which is a Cheerful Anthem if there ever was one), but I couldn't help but smile and even, dare I say it, JIG FROM SIDE TO SIDE throughout my rewatch of the video. "It's a lovely day, just got paid" is a beautiful sentiment for all of us out there battling through adulthood, There are some lyrics of the rap that are a bit jarring, but I feel like with lyrics such as "got love for those fine strippers who get it poppin' ass" Twista's heart is in the right place. 

SCORE: 7/10.


2. JOJO - LEAVE (GET OUT) (New Entry)


An absolute perfect Revenge Song Jam. I'm sure at several times over the past ten years we've all screamed "GET OUT. RIGHT NOW. IT'S THE END OF YOU AND ME" at friends and lovers, particularly if like me this song was in your life during your Difficult Teenage Years. I'm sure we all fondly remember JoJo holding up a Nokia 3410 and ceremoniously dropping it during the line "YOU LEFT HER NUMBER ON YOUR PHONE." I'm sure we all think about this song's perfect middle 8 from time to time and JoJo's expertly wailed GET OUTTTTTTTTT as it crashes back into the chorus. 

JoJo was 13 when this song was released and I was, and indeed still am (as this is how time works), four months older than her when this came out. This was sad for me as it was the first time I realised that I was probably not going to be a popstar as if I was going to I'd be moving towards it already. A very difficult thing to come to terms with at age 14. If only I'd known how lucky I was - now aged 24, not only have I now missed my chance to be in the X Factor Girls' category, I can't even fancy a boyband without it being a bit creepy. It's all downhill from here.

SCORE: 10/10.  Amazing.

1. NELLY - MY PLACE/FLAP YOUR WINGS (New Entry)

Another double A side for 2004 and as we know the rules are to review each separately and take an average, so here we go....



All due respect to Nelly, who has some BANGING singles by the way (Ride With Me is a solid 10), but this really isn't my cup of tea. The song is based around Nelly's requests to "drop down and get your eagle on girl" and is a bit repetitive. The video contains, you guessed it, several hot girls dropping down and getting their eagle on. I can't say I find this song has any replay value to be honest.
SCORE: 4/10.




I can't tell you how immensely satisfied I am that this video kicks off exactly where the video for Flap My Wings ends (Nelly trying to make it up to his girlfriend that he was dropping down and getting his eagle on with all the hotties). I know this song is far more 'pop' than Flap Your Wings which may make me sound biased, but I think everyone can agree this is much better. As the Wikipedia page helpfully points out, "this song is about inviting a girl over to Nelly's house." The chorus is great and it's a lovely little midtempo jam. You'll be pleased to know that Nelly and his girlfriend get back together in the end. 

SCORE: 7/10

OVERALL AVERAGE FOR NELLY DOUBLE A-SIDE: 5.5/10

Top 5 Today - 14/09/2014

5. IGGY AZALEA FT. RITA ORA - BLACK WIDOW (down from number 4)



This song could have been a 10 if it had been written properly. But as it goes, everytime this comes on I'm screaming I'M GONNA LOVE YA I'M GONNA LOVE YA I'M GONNA LOVE YA and then the beat just disappears and everyone heads off for a nice sit down. To quote the song itself, Rita and Iggy shoulda known better than to mess with me harder.



SCORE: 7/10 


4. TAYLOR SWIFT - SHAKE IT OFF (Up from 6)




I have never had a turnaround on a song like I have with this one. I'm not afraid to admit when I first heard this I hated it so much it arguably ruined my birthday (that sounds like a story from the 10 years ago section, I know). I heard this song for the second time on a night out this week and I already think it's one of my favourite songs to hear on a night out absolutely ever. Just thinking about how it felt to dance to "I've got this music in my bodeh and it's gonna be alright" brings a tear to my eye. THE CHANTING! This is the perfect song 'for the club' and for when you've just had a bit of a stressful time of it and all you want to do is Shake. It. Off. After all, why get down and out about all the liars and the dirty dirty cheats of the world when you could have been getting down to this sick beat? However, my love of this song comes with a warning: I shook it off so much during the night in the morning I had pretty severe hip pain. That's adulthood for you.

Original review was 3 weeks ago.

SCORE: 8/10

3. SAM SMITH - I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE (Up from 5)


Basic Smith, singer of the popular song Basic on my Basic, has actually really surprised me with this song. I like it more every time I hear it. I also just can't get enough of the video with Dianna Agron being completely beautiful and mental. I just think "you think I don't know what you've done" is really sad. :( Could have done without the gospel chorus at the end, mind. Sometimes I wonder if Sam wants us to think he's predictable.

First reviewed last week.

SCORE 7/10

2. LILLY WOOD & ROBIN SCHULZ - PRAYER IN C (Down from number 1)



Could this song be any more "pumping out from tinny speakers around the pool whilst you're at a 3 star all inclusive in Albufeira" if it tried?
First reviewed two weeks ago. 

SCORE: 6/10

1. CALVIN HARRIS FT JOHN NEWMAN - BLAME (New Entry)


This is Calvin's seventh number one (including his number ones as a featured artist). I am a SUCKER for a Calvin Harris production (as well as his face, but let's not focus on that) and we cannot deny this song is a real bop. John 'the better looking Sam Smith' Newman is pretty brilliant and overall it's a pretty solid, if basic, club banger. It's not going to be topping any of my 'best of the year' lists, and it's very Calvin Harris Wants a Number One by numbers, but that doesn't stop it being good.

PS "Blame it on the night, don't blame it on me" as a concept is questionable at best.

SCORE: 7/10. 


DRUM ROLL.... THE RESULTS:

Top 5 10 Years Ago: 34.5/50
Top 5 Today: 35/50

Today's top 5 just about edges off 10 years ago, but we can note that the top 5 10 years ago had better highs. I'm off to listen to Leave (Get Out) on repeat. Until next week, chart fans - not to tease you too hard, but the number one single from 10 years ago next week may be a song I once wrote a thinkpiece about being one of the worst number ones of all time...


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