10 Years Ago Vs Today


Top 5 10 Years Ago - 21/08/2004

5. V - HIP TO HIP (New Entry)

V were one of those boybands that no one in the real world ever seems to remember; they released three singles, and this was their highest charting.YouTube unfortunately only had the song and not the Brazilian themed video in which members of V go around following women and pointing at their arses, but never fear, MTV have provided us access to this important piece of archival footage if you're interested.  The song is Latin inspired with a pretty basic "hip hip to hip, cheek cheek to cheek" chorus which is catchy in the worst possible way. The kind of catchy where you are constantly grabbing for a radio or a Spotify playlist or iTunes or anything and screaming JUST PLAY ME SOMETHING ELSE SO I CAN GET HIP TO HIP OUT OF MY HEAD but then unfortunately your phone in a macabre twist selects Alejandro by Lady GaGa (Latin done right) and you're singing "hip hip to hip cheek cheek to cheek" over the beat and wondering if YOU WILL EVER GO BACK TO A BLISSFUL NINE YEARS OF FORGETTING THIS SONG EVER AGAIN.

I also could not let this review end without pointing out this:

I'm-a feeling kinda high, I'm-a feeling kinda low
I'm feeling like - I don't know, like fast food
Someone spiked my latte and now I'm not in the mood

I swear that those are real lyrics that a real musical act actually recorded and that the real British public actually sent to the real Top 5. It's worth playing the first 30 seconds of the song alone, just so you can verify this fact for yourself.

SCORE: 3/10.

4. THE STREETS - DRY YOUR EYES (Down from number 2)

Sobering barrel-of-laughs Dry Your Eyes YouTube comment of the week:

I've had my share of heartache in my time, but all I can say is I hope that I never feel so bad my brain turns into a dried olive.

Head back three whole weeks to see Dry Your Eyes' first appearance.

SCORE: 4/10

3. BUSTED - THUNDERBIRDS/3AM (Down from number 1)

I think Charlie Simpson would be on my top ten list of celebrities I would most want to meet. Not only does he just about pass the Wetherspoons test of whether you really fancy a celebrity (would you go for it if they weren't famous and approached you in Wetherspoons), I just have so much to ask him.

Things I would ask in an interview with Charlie Simpson

  • At what point did you get cold feet with Busted? Was it at triple-breasted-women or I-messed-my-pants-when-we-flew-over-France?
  • How much money would you need to reform Busted? I know you said you won't, but you must have some price. FIFTY MILLION POUNDS?
  • Please listen to this playlist I made of Busted's best moments and reconsider the past ten years of your life.
  • Snog marry avoid: Matt/James/all of McFly at once?
  • How much maintenance do your eyebrows require?
  • How do you look back on your time at Busted? Do you regret it, or are you pleased you did it as it's what led you to your future success with Fightstar and a solo artist? Your solo album did chart at number 10 a few weeks ago, which really isn't that bad if you think The Saturdays charted at the same position with their Greatest Hits merely a few weeks later.
Sometimes I really wonder why no one is interested in sending me to ask people anything.

SCORE: 8/10.


This is our first sign of the mid 2000s heading straight toward the Boys With Floppy Hair and Guitars Who I Always Really Fancy But When I Go Out With Them They're Normally Just Really Patronising And Make Me Playlists For My 'New Music Taste' chart domination. To be honest, I know this can be controversial amongst pop fans so clutch your pearls ready, but I can be quite the fan of "indie rock" and would even list the Arctic Monkeys amongst my all-time favourite acts. Well, maybe not all-time favourite, but I definitely like them as much as I like Selena Gomez.

Anyway, this song is really catchy and when listening to it I can think of a few montages from the film of my life it would work well with, and you know I'm always a fan of a "oh-oh-oh". However the intro is far too long. Is this is as good as 3AM by Busted? No. But is it better than Thunderbirds Are Go? Probably. 

SCORE: 8/10. 

1. 3 OF A KIND - BABY CAKES (New Entry)

10 years ago this week it was my 14th birthday. I had received a new phone from my parents, a nice one, a Nokia 8210 I think. I was desperate for a polyphonic ringtone so the first time an advert for them appeared on the Box I spent £3 (a whole third of my credit) on the first song available. This song was indeed, Baby Cakes. I came to absolutely loathe that ringtone and this song to the extent I banned it from my life completely and only just listened to it again now. 

It's not as completely terrible as I remembered (I was convinced I'd end up giving it a 1/10) but it is pretty shrill, repetitive and bad. 3 of a Kind recorded this single on the day they met and never released another single again. Perhaps one day I will write some fanfiction about that. The video is ahead of its time; packed full of baking double entendres before it was cool.

SCORE: 3/10.

Top 5 Today (well, yesterday) - 24/08/2014


First things first, I'm the realest, and "my head is a jungle" is a great lyric. The song is "house" (again - we've got a lot of this in the top 5 at the moment, haven't we?) but it did make me want to dance and I absolutely loved the "getting down at the launderette" video. Unfortunately, it's no re-p-p-eat from me, so I'm sorry Wankelmut, but you aren't getting a much coveted 8/10.

SCORE: 7/10,



If you follow me on Twitter you will know I have had a difficult journey with this single. As you may or may not know I am a huge Taylor Swift fan. I type this sentence wearing a Taylor Swift jumper. She is my all-time favourite artist. And Shake It Off wasn't the Taylor Swift song I was expecting. It really wasn't. I reacted strongly and passionately. I was staying with my mother in a hotel room at the time and I fear she saw a dark side of me that day she didn't know existed. It was eye-opening.

The song could be sung by any number of artists, and the video made me feel uncomfortable (I'm not gonna jump on the cultural appropriation comments as others have articulated this much better than I ever could, but rest assured, I feel it was a mistake.) However, I have made a huge turnaround since my initial rise of bile at hearing Taylor Swift hiss "THIS. SICK. BEAT" and have completely got over myself and have realised this song is great. It's not Amazing. It's still probably my least favourite Taylor Swift single. But it is Good. It's well-written, catchy, and easily built for 15 repeat plays.

The important thing to remember is Taylor Swift doesn't owe me or any other fans anything and as long as she's still making songs I wanna play on repeat does it really matter if they mean anything in particular? Can we only enjoy music if it means something? Of course we know some of the best songs ever recorded mean precisely nothing and if I start deciding a song needs to mean something for me to like it, I am becoming a person I never, ever want to be.


SCORE: 8/10

3. MAGIC! - RUDE (Dropped from number 2)

Screenshot of the week that shows the father of lead singer's love interest is right to disapprove of possible marriage

Was that filter really necessary? This song just Will. Not. Die. Another week of this and I'm gonna start desperately whispering Please, no more Magic! at 6pm every Sunday rather than my current prayers regarding George Ezra. (He's at number 7 this week, so we're still not out of the woods).

SCORE: A reluctant 7/10 given I'm sticking to the same scores as my initial scores throughout this project, but I've said it before (twice) and I'll say it again, this song is the opposite of a grower.

2. NICO & VINZ - AM I WRONG (Down from number 1)

Still desperate to hear this on a night out. Unfortunately, as usual, on my birthday instead of going to a normal club I ended up getting my outfit slagged off by a drag king.

SCORE: 9/10


This song is country/dance (a fusion of genres that I think works very well) and sounds very Autumn 2013 and late on the bandwagon. I love the verses to this - "Let's light it up, let's light it up until our hearts catch fire" is a beautiful moment - but the chorus lets the song down. I feel dropping the beat before the chorus was a mistake that kills the song's momentum and the lyric "we're burning up, we might as well be lovers on the sun" is very weak. There's also the fact that I HATE the word "lover" or "lovers" being used unironically. 

It's done well for good old Davey G though and this is his fifth UK number one. In case you're interested, his best is When Love Takes Over which is a solid 10/10.

SCORE: 7/10.


Top 5 10 Years Ago: 26/50
Top 5 Today: 38/50

This week today's music has had both the biggest victory and the best top 5 yet so we should all have a moment of gratitude toward the current British public.

I am aware this blog is a day late. I apologise profusely to the huge number of people that must have been refreshing this blog anxiously last night, but unfortunately I did not have time as I have a full time job and - believe it or not - a social life. Especially with X Factor (my area of expertise and talent) approaching, these blogs are unlikely to be bang on the dot on Sundays anymore and will probably be early to mid week. PREPARE YOURSELVES. 

Until next week, chart fans.


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