10 Years Ago vs Today

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Top 5 10 Years Ago - 24/07/2004

5. JAMELIA - SEE IT IN A BOY'S EYES (New Entry)


This song was famously written and contributed backing vocals to by Chris Martin. I once told a very good Coldplay joke which was the funniest thing I have ever said, but I think I'll save that for the first time Coldplay crop up on here. Anyway, this is a very good song that is good for staring out of the window on long train journeys, and certainly better than 80% of Coldplay songs. In most ballads I enjoy there's one lyric that always gets to me, and here it's "What's a girl supposed to say? Just turn around and walk away?" The vocal delivery is excellent. The video's worth a quick glance, involving Jamelia and her fit bod beefing it up in the military exchanging steamy glances with a fellow soldier. My one hesitation with this song is that it doesn't really go anywhere, and you can definitely tell that Chris Martin wrote it (*cough* middle of the road *cough*) (my brilliant Coldplay joke involves the phrase "middle of the road").

SCORE: 8/10.

4. J-KWON - TIPSY (New Entry)


Here's some sampled lyrics from J-Kwon, Tipsy.

Teen drinking is very bad.
Yo, I have a fake ID though.

Now I'm lookin' at shorty right in her eyes
Couple seconds pass now I'm lookin' at her thighs
Why she tellin' me how much she hate her guy
Say she got a kid but she got her tubes tied
Girl you 21 girl that's alright
I'm wonderin' if a shake comin' wit' those fries
If so baby, can I get them super-sized?

This song is really, really bad. Why "J-Kwon" (this remains his only hit) decided to write a song based on every old auntie's favourite way to describe the way they feel after a couple of Christmas sherries is beyond me. I will grant two points for the use of the hook "Everybody in the club getting tipsy" although the whispered refrain makes me feel ill. Can you not just imagine, standing in the club, feeling awkward, then suddenly feeling a stranger's hands around your waist, and as they lean in to your ear they hiss "everybody in the club getting tipsy" just like J-Kwon as they drop something in your drink. UGH. (The video's some ridiculous generic house party, obviously.)

SCORE: 2/10.


3. USHER - BURN (Down from Number 1 last week)


This spoken word intro is SO smug. It sounds exactly like someone rejecting you when you didn't really fancy them anyway. Which I bet Usher does ALL THE TIME, actually.
 Read last week's rundown for my previous thoughts on Burn.


SCORE: 5/10.

2. RACHEL STEVENS - SOME GIRLS (New Entry)



Here are a few facts about Some Girls by Rachel Stevens.

  • The song is about, naturally, a popstar giving music industry execs sexual favours to get to the top.
  • Geri Halliwell locked herself in Richard X's car to try and get this song for herself.
  • Bizarrely, this song was picked as 2004's official Sports Relief single, leading to the very crap video. Richard X said that seeing this video "made [him] want to give up [his] life."
  • This song led to Ana Matronic describing Rachel Stevens as having the "personality of a piece of toast." "I would rather hang out with terrorists than her." Amazing.
This song is completely and utterly amazing. Ever since compiling this week's post jumpstarted my memory of its existence it's been a rep-p-p-eat situation. 

SCORE: a thorough and huge 10/10

1. SHAPESHIFTERS - LOLA'S THEME (New Entry)


A track from a "house" duo that I expect would have been regularly played "in the club" at time of release (I wouldn't know because - CLANG - I was too young to go clubbing at the time.) It samples "What About My Love" by Johnnie Taylor. Lola's Theme - so named for the wife of one of the duo - is nice, upbeat, I'd probably enjoy it if I myself was in the club, the video at a fairground is fun. Ultimately, it doesn't completely click for me, and I can't really put my finger on why. It does feel very dated, and even more so than 2004 - to be honest, before going through this chart, if you'd asked me to name a year for this song I would probably have said 1998 or something. I have finished my play of the song and am uninspired to hit repeat.

SCORE: 6/10. 


Top 5 Today - 27/07/2014.

5. ARIANA GRANDE FT IGGY AZALEA - PROBLEM (Down from number 2 last week)




I really need to stop making eye contact with people on the tube and mouthing "I've got one less one less problem" whilst doing my best Lolita eyes.

See last week's post for more of my thoughts on Problem.

SCORE: 8/10

4. GEORGE EZRA - BUDAPEST (Up from number 5 last week)



Forget Grammys - I've heard George is up for the Nobel Prize for this single, it's not every day someone invents a new method of anaesthesia! (Note: How is this STILL in the top 5, when I cruelly had to remove the write up of Boom Clap I did based on the midweek chart, which even included a semi-subtle namedrop of the fact Charli XCX follows me on Twitter?!).

See last week's post for more of my thoughts on Budapest.

SCORE: 4/10. (I kind of want to deduct a point as the longer this song continues to exist the more boring it gets, but this would mess with all the stats.)


3. ELLA HENDERSON - GHOST (Up from number 3)


This song's been in the top 5 for quite a while now, and we're still going to the river to pray. It just does not get boring. Naming no names, double-barrelled or otherwise, but how can established artists be out there releasing such utter dross when Ella can come out with a wonderful song like this as her debut? Food for thought.

Read last week's rundown for my previous thoughts on Ghost.

SCORE: 9/10.


2. MAGIC - RUDE (New Entry)



Something a bit different in the top 5 today, everyone, which is always nice. Magic are a "reggae-fusion band" and this song (and video) is about asking a girl's dad if it's okay to marry his daughter and then mouthing off when the dad isn't keen. Not to get all Intersectional Genres on this blog, but isn't a song about asking father's permission to get married a little antiquated in 2014? Anyway. at the end it turns out the dad was right, as the lead singer turns up to the wedding in a red beanie hat (!). I'd rather die alone. The guy from Magic totally fails the Wetherspoons Do You Really Fancy That Celebrity Test (would you say yes if they weren't famous and approached you in Wetherspoons). Back to the song itself, it's okay. I wouldn't say it's a song that inspires me to put on any playlists or for that matter purchase, but it's fairly well written and produced and as I said it's always good to hear something a Bit Different.

Score: 7/10. 

1. CHERYL COLE/FERNANDEZ-VERSINI FT TINIE TEMPAH - CRAZY STUPID LOVE (New Entry)


Now.
This isn't the worst song of all time.
This isn't even the worst song I've written about on this blog post (step up, Tipsy).
But I am very sad that this is the number one single, or indeed that Cheryl has released it as a lead single at all.
I will tell you what angers me about this song. This song does not sound like a number one single. I would be disappointed in this song if it were say, a Selena Gomez album track. It is basic and generic and low quality.
Can we look at ourselves and say that if this were a new single by a debut artist (say, for argument;s sake, me) it would reach number one? No! Even making it a little more relatable: do we think that someone like Nicole Scherzinger, or Kimberley Walsh, or Pixie Lott, or Cher Lloyd, would get number one with this song? No!
We all know why this song has achieved number one and it is because of the media focus on the person who has released it. This is a sad day for pop music. I continue to believe in a world where every song that reaches Number One would have reached it even if it were released by a debut artist.
Cheryl's a great artist with loads of great songs. I love her as a celebrity and I love her as an X Factor judge. I love her as a person who has hair (she has some of my all time favourite hair.) Call My Name and Fight For This Love are both 10/10. I wish her and her team could have come up with something better. That is all.

SCORE: 3/10.


SO...THE FINAL RESULTS:

This week's top 5 in 2004: 31/50
This week's top 5 in the present day: 31/50

It's a tie! This week suggests that pop music has neither declined or increased in quality in the past ten years and remains the same. TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR MORE POP NOSTALGIA.

PS: It has come to my attention that the Official Charts website seem to be counting 10 years ago as a week ahead from what I am counting it (example here, but please note, CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR NEXT WEEK'S BLOG). Right I know the Official Charts are "official" or whatever, but I consider the chart of 24/07/2004 to be closer to 10 years ago than the chart of 31/07/2004 via basic maths, so I will continue to do it my way for now until I have some kind of compelling reason not to. OKAY.

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